Failed celebrity relations -- what we can learn.

Chris Munoz

23 January 2010

One lesson : You are not going to like the same guy at thirty that you did at thirteen. Clearly , there is not any better source for these life lessons than in the records of celebrity gossip. Stars are richer than us, prettier than us, and -- with rare exception -- skinnier than us. We watch them onscreen and / or hear their songs -- why should not we learn from their mistakes? Sadly for them, 2009 was a coarse year for famous folk in relations. But fortunately for us, there are valuable nuggets of knowledge contained inside nearly every celebrity split. You are not going to like the same guy at thirty that you did at thirteen. Susie Sprague reportedly had the hots for Corey Feldman since she used to be a tiny kid mooning over Goonies.

And while Corey had been a delightful little moppet, his grown-up years were crammed with drugs, 12-step programs, and fact Television . Same goes for Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley, who met and fell head over heels in love when she was a teen -- after 3 years together, she grew up ( sorta ) and filed for divorce. Yes, I know, there are loads of May / December loves that work out absolutely fine but there are going to be issues when your pop-cultural touchstone is Gossip Girl and his is Gilligan's Island. If you do not believe me, just ask Billy Joel and Katie Lee, Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia, Lily Allen and her 45-year-old art dealer ex, or TR Knight and the scandalously younger Mark Cornelsen. While some were stimulated by Lindsay Lohan's expedition into lesbianism with DJ Sam Ronson, reading their snitty Twits showed clearly that gay relations can be equally as dull and dumb as straight ones. Just like massive disparities in age, revenue and education, often the size opening just can not be overcome. Naturally I am talking of teeny-weeny Christina Ricci and her jumbo-sized ex-fianceacute;. According to their reps, it was a friendly split because of the usual publicist-generated reasons, but c'mon. If your hubby can pick you up with one hand and zip you up in the pocket of his gargantuan windbreaker, it is not an even match. Pro athletes are likely going to cheat on you.

I am sure Elin Nordegren thought she was going to be the exception to this rule. For another, she married the most dull sporting hero in the world. But Tiger Woods? His school nickname was Urkel.