All on board the TMZ Tour.

Juliette Hopkins

12 October 2011

LA -- The trustworthy walk past a Charlie Chaplin who twirls his cane, a Marilyn who shows off her cleavage while blowing kisses and a ranting, Jheri-curled Samuel Jackson who flashes his Bad Ma F**ker wallet. Welcome to the TMZ Tour, where for the special lowered price of $49, an adult can board a bus and take a 2 hour unashamed dip into the celebrity gossip sleaze pool. "We were intending to do the flick stars ' houses, but that looked so boring," claims Mark Green, thirty three, of Newcastle, Australia, who flew into L. A. just hours earlier and rushed here, jetlag be damned. "This was the most recent, hippest

thing to do.". What he delivers over the following couple of hours is so very much more than dining and drinking destinations, and tips on where to buy "creepy-ass dolls" ( that'd be American Girl, at the Grove, for those that are asking ).

He stares at the camera, and the tape pauses. We pass Bonhams Butterfields, where OJ's Heisman Prize was auctioned off for $230,000, and the Giggle Factory, where comic Michael Richards went off on a bigot rant and his career crumbled. We peer up at the high rise Sierra Towers and learn from our all-knowing TMZ guide that resident Elton John paid out $3 million for a further apartment purely for his baby. It was from the storied Castle Marmont ( where the tour's birthday girl plans to go next for lunch ) that actor Josh Hartnett called 911 to -- prepare yourself -- bitch about his diarrhoea. Later we'll cruise by Con man Hollywood, where our trusted stories source claims she acquired her hot pink wig and where Fergie and Josh Duhamel allegedly like to buy.

Further on in the tour, we pass where the world got to truly know Hilton : the 4 Seasons Hotel, where Jordan announces she and Rick Salomon filmed "the most profitable sex tape in history. The education on how we are able to be like the stars goes on. And if you are a person looking to provide proof that you are fine after a highly visible breakup, you can snag a window seat at the Town Simpleton and surround yourself with guffawing, flirtatious girls -- just like Jordan announces Zac Efron did. On this day in late Aug, as victims of Hurricane Irene struggle thru floodwaters, world figureheads wring their hands over Moammar Gadhafi and US troops look back on their deadliest month in Afghanistan, the TMZ Tour offers a different fact, an unapologetic escape.